Completely Confused

The more I read and progress through the book, the more confused I seem to be. Raskolnikov's character is one of the most complex characters I have ever been introduced to. From the beginning of the book, I knew that there was something quite off about him but I could never place my finger on it. There has always seemed to be a part missing from him that takes away from his humanity. He does not fit in with the rest of society, he knows it and we know it. He possesses a certain sickness of spirit, and coupled with his moodiness, depressive anxiety and arrogance, it spawns his obsession with the murder. While it is quite confusing as to why he randomly decided to become a murderer in the first place, it is also confusing that he is not a complete psycho maniac. Raskolnikov is capable of extreme generosity and compassion and tends to pity the weak and helpless. His acts of kindness towards Marmaledov's family when Marmaledov passes away was unexpected, but pleasant. This capacity for goodness signals that all is not lost in Raskolnikov. The fact that he is a murderer but is kind to others is strange but captivating. In the past, I have compared his personality to that of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but some of his personality traits remind me of Ted Bundy's as well. While he is not as normal and charming as Ted Bundy was known as being, he does have the whole being a secret murderer but still being a nice person thing going for him. The whole dynamic of his character is frustrating, because while he is suffering with the fact that he is guilty for his crimes, he does not want to be punished for it for the rest or his life. The last thing I expected him to do was confess, and for a moment, I thought he was going to. But of course, that is way too simple for Raskolnikov and he just loves being complicated. I am always up and down with my feelings towards him. Honestly, I just want to get to the end of this book already because I am extremely interested in how it is going to turn out.